It’s been a bit since I’ve posted to this blog because I have been transitioning my job and haven’t had much time to take any trips lately. I think that is part of the reason that my most recent trip was such a spectacular failure.
I have a few days in-between my old job and my new job so I decided to load up the motorcycle and take a short trip up to the North Georgia Mountains and go on an overnight backpacking trip into the forest.

My bike felt a bit overloaded with the 60 pound backpack strapped to the back so I rode extra cautiously towards my destination. The traffic out of Atlanta was hell as always. The temperature was in the lower 90′s and pretty humid. I was dressed head to toe in motorcycle gear, which does not make for the most pleasant rides when it is this hot out. But once I hit the country roads I got that great feeling of freedom that keeps me hooked on riding. Despite the heat I was truly enjoying the winding backroads to my destination.
After about 2 1/2 hours my GPS indicated that I was getting closer to the park where I was going to backpack into. The only problem was that I didn’t recognize anything and I had been to this park several times before. I rode up to the ranger station, believing it was an alternate entrance to the park, and presented the ranger with my reservations for a back country camp site. He looked at it and then looked at me with a concerned look and said, “You’re about 60 miles in the wrong direction. You want Tallualah Gorge, this is Amicalola Falls.” I suddenly realized that I had programmed a destination into my GPS that I was considering going to but had decided against since they did not offer back country camping. I laughed at my foolish mistake and pulled out of the park. I found an abandoned gas station and pulled over to reprogram my GPS to the correct location. I was pretty tired of riding at this point and was unsure how long it would take me to get to where I needed to be. My GPS told me it was going to be another 2 hours of riding. I turned the key and tried to start my bike and it just made a clicking sound and nothing happened. I tried again and realized my GPS had drained the battery faster than the bike could recharge it and it was completely dead. I decided to push start the motorcycle. I lugged it up a hill and got on. I started down and popped the clutch and the engine turned but would not pop. Then I realized that I had the kill switch engaged. At this point I was drenched in sweat and pretty frustrated. Finally I got the bike push started and went on my way.
I realized that I was not going to make it to the park before the ranger station closed so I stopped for fast food to consider my options. I was thinking about just giving up and getting a motel but somehow talked myself into going and seeing if any rangers were wandering around that might let me in. I got back on the road, sore, hot and tired and finally made it to the correct park. Fortunately there was still a ranger. He seemed surprised that I was going backpacking and said that most people don’t start until later in the season. I was too tired to think of what this meant for me, secured my bike and lugged my 60 pound backpack on my back.
I foolishly decided to not change into my shorts and was still wearing my heavy riding jeans. Within the first mile of the hike I realized what a challenge I was in for. I was drenched in sweat, guzzling the small supply of water I had and batting gnats away from my face constantly. The trail was all down hill and I realized that the next day I would have to ascend 1000 feet over 4 miles rather than descend it. I nearly decided to turn around and find a hotel, but I thought that my story would at very least be entertaining if I continued on. As usual I chose the potential of a story over air conditioning.
I started to get on a narrower trail and suddenly walked into a spiderweb. A dime sized spider crawled across my web-laden face and I panicked, ripping my glasses off and flicking the beast to the ground. I nearly lost my cool at this point, but instead grabbed a stick and started swinging it back and forth in a semi-circle motion in front of my face, trying to discourage the gnats from going after my sweat covered ears and maybe knock down a spider web or two. I continued on and my legs started collecting more and more spider webs and spiders. Apparently it is spider season. I am not a big fan of spiders and never grew tolerant of them crawling down my legs as I trekked on.
I decided to sit down and cool off at the 2 mile marker, which is exactly half way to the camp site. The gnats were in a swarm of at least 2 dozen around my ears, I was dripping so much sweat that I could hardly see through my glasses and my body was radiating heat. I started to laugh maniacally at how unsuccessful this trip was turning out to be and was very glad that none of my friends were on this trip with me because they would not have been my friends after.
I continued on, nearly blind and continuing to have spiders collect on my legs. Twice more I ran directly into huge webs and had panic moments trying to bat the spiders off of my glasses. Finally I made it to mile marker 4 and my beautiful camp.

I dropped my pack, stripped down to my underwear and hung up all of my sweat soaked clothes. It was so humid out that I was covered in a sheen of sweat almost the entire evening. I looked at my water supply and realized I was going to have to trudge my way down to the lake and refill. Supposedly there was a trail from the camp site directly to the lake but after about a half hour of following a deer trail down the steepest part of the mountain I gave up and hiked back up to camp. I studied the map and realized I could access the lake at a dock about a mile away. So I grabbed all my water supplies and filter and started to walk. It was getting pretty dark at this point and I had forgotten to grab my flashlight. I made it to the lake at sunset and filled my water bottles, emptying one down my throat immediately after filling it. I filled it back up and blindly made my way back to camp. Fortunately there was only one trail, so I knew that getting lost in the dark was going to be nearly impossible.
Being in the North Georgia Mountains, miles away from civilization, by yourself, at night, is a true test of your nerves. The sounds I heard in the dark kept me alert. I started a blazing fire, even though it was still at least 90 out. I wanted lots of light and sound so I could keep the creatures in my mind at bay. I made my dinner, drank as much water as I could and laid down. For some reason I thought it would be a good reason to continue an audio book about someone’s experience in a Japanese POW camp during WWII. Listening to this while laying in the hot shelter made me empathize a little too much. The book finally ended and I was unable to sleep. Between me pondering the hell of POW camps and the humidity there was no way I was sleeping anytime soon. I also knew that I had to get up early if I wanted to hike out in relatively cool weather. I kept dozing in and out of consciousness having nightmares about being interned in a POW camp when the weather finally cooled down enough to fall into a deep sleep. I was suddenly woken up by some strange animals mating call right next to the shelter. Spooked, I sat up and flashed the light around. Nothing. I laid back down and then heard the beating of wings over my head. I turned the flash light back on to see a dozen bats flying inches above my head. They were eating the gnats that were swarming around me. I laid perfectly still for a few hours and watched the bats click past my nose. Finally they went away and I fell asleep.
I woke up more sore than I have been in years. It took about an hour of packing and drinking coffee to get myself in a place where I could put my pack back on and continue on. I started to hike as soon as the sun started rising. The temperature immediately went up 10 degrees and I was again drenched in sweat. At least this time I was only wearing my shorts so I was a little cooler. I also put on my bandana to keep the sweat out of my eyes, which immediately solved the problem of my glasses getting soaked. I battled the gnats and spiders again, but this time with expert technique. I started to feel so exhausted that I was giddy. I began singing “Michael Row Your Boat Ashore, Hallelujah!”, a song I haven’t thought of since I sang it in vacation bible study decades ago. I had become a sleep deprived, sweat drenched, atheist singing a religious song while stumbling up a rocky path.
I almost stepped on a baby king snake while singing and stopped to have a closer look. He was coiled up, striking at my boot and twitching his tail like a rattlesnake. I started to baby talk to the snake saying something like, “Aw aren’t you a fierce little thing, taking on an animal the size of a sky scraper!”
Me after finally making it back to my bike:

Somehow I made it back to my motorcycle. My feet were full of blisters from being trapped in hot boots. I was drenched and exhausted. It was about 95 degrees out and I had a two hour ride back. But at least the hell of hiking was over. I flew along the highway at 70 mph, letting the hot air dry me. The sweat dried and then I was just hot, tired and ready to be home. After many miles of unfamiliar roads I realized my GPS had taken me the extra scenic route and added about an hour onto my trip. My giddy tiredness transformed into rage. I stopped for a soft drink and cooled down a bit. The smallest things were making me murderously angry. A little bit of traffic, people talking on their cell phones in their air conditioned cars, and people using cross walks improperly made me want to explode. It took everything in me to control my temper and ride sanely. Ok, I did lose it twice and cut through traffic and past two cop cars that either didn’t notice me or were too stuck in traffic to do anything about it.
I finally pulled into my driveway, quickly dumped my gear inside and ran up to my bedroom and took a cold shower. I nearly started weeping with joy. Everything from that point forward, from laying under air conditioning to gorging myself on pizza was taken with extreme appreciation.
Lessons learned? Don’t bother camping in the south when it is this hot and humid. Don’t go motorcycle riding when it is this hot and humid. Don’t put on a 60 pound backpack and hike when it is this hot and humid. Never never never ever trust a GPS. Experiences like this make you temporarily appreciate luxury. But the biggest lesson is when you are half way into a trip like this and a voice inside says, “Get a hotel room” fucking listen to it.